NEVER ignore the power of enough sleeping, ladies and gentlemen.

Why did I say so? Because I was so freakin’ grumpy when I didn’t have enough sleep (and worse, I had extra points of getting exhausted). Enough sleeping creates balance mood, ability to cope with some sudden problems, and good physical condition. But when you didn’t get enough sleeping, the world feels like against you. Hyperbolically saying (but yeah, that’s what I felt!). It’s like you feel so tired, and mad in such inexplainable ways. All you want to do is being mad. And feel dizzy at the same time. Slowly you turn to be a gigantic-mighty-annoying monster when it comes to small problems. Mad mad mad mad mad

I was kinda having Saturday nite party extra hard ONLINE. I did chatting with some of my best buddies and checking my emails (my new ritual). I slept at 11 PM, then I suddenly woke up at 3. Then I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes I’m afraid of dark, and at that time it won’t let me to turn off the light in my room. I was so dizzy. My eyes felt so hurt. I couldn’t either enjoy my sleep or even close my eyes to be sleepy even only for a while.

Silly, I turned on my laptop (thanks for accompanying me through my hard times, Vaio) and started to upload my fam photos on my Opera album. Oh, for addition, to halt my a lil’ bit drowsy feeling, I consumed some cookies and a glass of dark COFFEE. Then to made it worse, I did biking around Klaten at 5.30 AM until 7!

That was one of the worst situation in my life. Can you imagine, how it feels like when I came home after biking around?

1. Yes I got sick, after drinking dark coffee and less sleep.
2. I felt grumpy and cheesy when my dear one said he wanted to come over, and as a result I was mad at myself for being so silly.
3. I over-reacted my small problems, while matter-of-wise I know exactly, exactly my points and how to solve it.
4. I couldn’t close my eyes, for forcing my tired brain to think some importantly unimportant stuffs. I couldn’t enjoy my nap.
5. Still in relation with no. (1), I felt soooo sick, ’till I didn’t have any eating appetite.

All I wanted to do at that grumpy-period was closing my eyes and cooling my brain, yet my Dad suddenly took me to Jogja. GAAAAHHHHH >_<

When I got back with tons of grumpy feelings and exhaustions, I over-abused my brain again to type for my thesis-revision.

I ended up rolling in my bed at 12 AM, I woke up at 5. Nice enough. I got my 5 hours-qualified-time-of-sleeping. W.e. And I feel better, away much better when I typed this post

PS: credit to Almascatie for re-designing my blog-header. Thanks! ^_^

Recently I question about myself. Who am I, what am I looking for.. I know it’s probably too late for raising such question. But for real, this type of question arise when we’ve gotta face some choices of our lives.

Not yet graduated, I ask 2 basic questions for myself:
1. When will I finish my undergraduate thesis?
2. What will I do for living (simply translated into: what will I do after I graduate)?

People will say, “Hey, finish what must you finish NOW first.” But I need my own motivation. Studying abroad? I don’t know, since my Mum can’t let me go that easy and I feel reluctant to negate her ideas of getting job as soon as I can. My Dad follows whatever I want. But for sure, both of my parents want me to work in Deplu. Kinda executive and wow-ish, eh?

I follow one by one of my ideas of living my future: I search for some scholarship informations, I contact some of lecturers and ask them questions. Even one of my lecturer who is studying for her PhD in Florida US now offers me to apply for scholarship in her college.

And once again, I think, those options should be faced with courage.

Hey, I suddenly remember with Eowyn, the Princess of Rohan
She needs courage to cover her identity thus she can join the battle in Pelennor Field. She taught Pippin (or Merry Brandybuck, can’t recall those brats) about courage. Courage, to fight for people we love

And what am I doing now?
Writing random pieces of my thoughts into unknown blog, that not even the most geje person is willing to read

I hate answers like “qui sera sera”, anyway. I don’t like hung stance. I need certainty. And this is what am I dealing with now.
I won’t live by having ‘following the flow’-sort of lifestyle. I am trying to answer: what I actually want for living, for my future.

…and in the other hand,
my thesis supervisor is HWAIHIHIHIHITIINGGGGG for meeeee..
HELP HELP HELP!

Life, sometimes, cannot be as practical as debating techniques: everything has to be in sequences. Sometimes people move randomly. Blarrgghh..

“I never thought that you really wanna be american studies lecturer..” and suddenly I feel how sincere I am *muntah*

You’ll never know how crazy you are when you realize how lazy you are, doing everything in such procrastinate ways. Seriously.

Matter-of-fact, procrastinating becomes a plague we can’t resist.

The more you say positive words, the more you hate something you try to like. The more you say you hate something, the more irritating it becomes. And as a result, you’ll hate yourself.

Solution? Qui sera sera. And face it; no matter how painful it is.

Human is the most dangerous animal. You need either feed them; or being bitten.

You hit the button ‘like’ to your own status updates/ posts means you tell people to do the same thing. In fact, you waste ur time. People will like you when they want to, and vice versa.

Targets drag us to cheat on them.

Lazy is lazy, whatever reasons you claim for labeling them.

Recently I listen to:

1. Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy
2. The Script’s Before The Worst
3. The Ting Tings’ The Great DJ
4. David Guetta’s Love Is Gone
5. The Birs and Bee’s My Love, My Fcking Boyfriend, Birthday, The Races, Man, can’t recall the rest

And here’s the music of the day:

The Script’s Before The Worst. It was kinda too late for me knowing them, tho. But not that late, anyway. When I saw the clip, I thought it was Vertical Horizon or Keane’s type, for they have same style (pardon my lame analysis; in fact kenapa saya ngira ini vertical horizon karena punya 2 vokalis – waktu nonton saya ga pake kacamata, red.)

Love the piano-sound in this song.

Enjoy

little Puspa

* * *

Me, twenty years from the day the picture was taken.

How fast future comes to us.